According to Spam:

1. I’m a drug addict.
2. I’m too poor to afford a real Rolex.
3. My penis is small.
4. But that’s not enough, because I also suffer from severe erectile dysfunction.
5. I can speak Russian.
6. I’m obese.
7. I need to get laid. (so true)
8. My Visa card was used recently through an ATM in Armenia.
9. I’ll be rich after I help Ibrahim Mustafa transfer a very large amount of money.
10. I need a fake diploma “because I deserve it”.

:(